Changes

Today I am feeling a ‘lil blue. So, instead of writing a rabid rant or an angry complaint, I’m simply going to diary my feelings… here.

Ever since I can remember I’ve been a loner. I enjoy my time alone. When I was a little kid, I played alone, and I was happy. I remember my mom always “complaining” about how I always only had one friend. I never really cared. I was happy with having that one friend. And so I dragged that trait of mine until 8th grade, when my circle of friends grew to the grand number of four. Now, don’t get me wrong. I knew other kids, but I only confided and cared for the very few I held close to me. In High School my circle of friends grew, and in college I went back to my “old” ways and my circle became smaller… more quaint. After graduation, I moved to the States. Who would’ve known how hard it would be to make friends as an adult… In a country somewhat hard to understand. But I made my way, and I’ve met wonderful people. Today, I have a total of four close friends (three girls and a boy) who I very much care deeply for.

Recently, a friend who I learned to love like a little sister revealed that she was working on getting accepted at some grad school on the West Coast. To better her future. To become independent. I was extremely happy for her. I AM EXTREMELY HAPPY FOR HER. I also felt a little sadness since her moving to the West Coast means that I won’t get to see her for a while. She won’t be around. I wont be able to grab a drink with her, or go shopping, or cook for her, or have slumber nights (cause yes, I am an adult, but I do enjoy movie nights with an ice cream bowl in hand and maybe a cup full of booze in the other.) Regardless, I am happy for her. I hope she gets accepted in that school. She deserves a better life.

Yesterday another close friend dropped the bomb that she was too thinking of moving… TO FUCKING IRELAND… THIS SUMMER! This Summer?!?!? OMG this fucking Summer!!! When she leaves, (oh my dear friend), who am I going to voice my complaints to? NOBODY gets ME the way she does. NOBODY understands the dating shit I go through like she does. FUCK, we go through the same shit! IRELAND?!?! I will miss you terribly. I keep telling myself “we have email,” but it won’t be the same. Nothing beats having her across the table from me, narrating horror dating stories, laughing till our abs hurt at our men misfortunes. Who am I going to text to tune in Discovery ID to watch how horrific humans are? Or to tune in channel whatever to watch Celebrity Ghosts Stories (or any ghost show)? WHO? Regardless of this, I know and totally understand why she’s doing this, and totally support her decision. But I can’t help being saddened by this news. I wish her well, and hope she finds what she’s looking for… what we are ALL looking for.

There you have it. That’s two of my close friends leaving in 6-8 months. Two friends I love dearly. Two friends I don’t want to lose. What am I going to do without them? All I can do now is try to spend as much time with them as I can, and strengthen our friendships bond, to endure the absence and long distance.

Good luck to you both in your future endeavors. I’m pretty sure our paths will cross again in the future.