"Love"

"There are those in this world whose 'love' is not only a wicked lie, but is a cover for unpardonable vindictiveness, a secret desire to cause pain, a sadism.  There are those who are not to be trusted for a single moment, for they are innately malignant as well as hypocritical.  They are the "whited sepulchre" of whom Our Lord spoke with such anger and scorn.  Give in to them for a moment, doubt that they are entirely evil, tolerantly admit they might be right in one thing -- and they will fall upon you, believing your defenses are down and you have surrendered yourself as a victim.  They love victims."- Taylor Caldwell

Happily ever after

“We all remember the bedtime stories of our childhoods. The shoe fits Cinderella. The frog turns into a prince. Sleeping Beauty is awakened with a kiss. Once upon a time. And then they lived happily every after. Fairy tales. The stuff of dreams. The problem is, fairy tales don’t come true.

It’s the other stories. The ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. It’s the nightmares that always seem to become reality.

The person that invented the phrase “Happily ever after,” should have his ass kicked – so hard.
---
Once upon a time. Happily ever after. The stories we tell are the stuff of dreams. Fairy tales don’t come true. Reality is much stormier. Much murkier. Much scarier. Reality. It’s so much more interesting than living happily ever after.” - #GreysAnatomy

Russian Roulette

Do I need to say more?

Butters is MY Valentine :-)

Some of us are single on a day like this.  So what!  Who says that Valentines Day is just for the lovebirds?  Isn't it all about love? Well, love comes in all forms.  Family love, friend love, whatever love.  Well, this year I am proud to say that My Butters is my Valentine. 


I found this article online while browsing around.  Hope you enjoy and it makes you smile :-)

10 Reasons Why My Dog Is My Valentine: 

The following article was written by Keegan Baur.

1. My dog joyously greets me every time I come home.
2. My dog is always in the mood to cuddle.
3. My dog never leaves the toilet seat up.
4. My dog enjoys long walks on the beach.
5. My dog never complains about my cooking.
6. My dog helps me clean up spills in the kitchen.
7. My dog keeps me warm at night and never steals the covers.
8. My dog shares my belief that there's never a wrong time for a nap.
9. My dog doesn't fight with me about what show we should watch on TV.
10. My dog loves me unconditionally.

Thank you Baby Butters for being my companion, my partner and my very best friend!  There's no one like you!  You're one of a kind, baby.  One of a kind!

Dumbass

About two weeks ago I was exchanging emails with a guy I “met” online. Lets call him “Matt”. I liked his profile and enjoyed his emails. About eight emails were exchanged. After my last email to him, he disappeared. Never heard from him again. I am no stranger to this, so all I thought was “there goes another one”. I did what I do best… I moved onto the next suitor. Last night I went on a very nice date and during same, I received a notification from the online dating website informing me that “Matt” had added me to his favorites. So now I can’t help but wonder, why stop emailing me to then add me to your favorites gallery? What’s the point in that? Why not continue the emails? Why not ask for my number? Why not ask me out? Why add me to your “favorites” if you are clearly not interested? Isn’t this the most retarded and stupid thing to do? At this point, I really could care less, and if he were to grow balls and contact me again and ask me out, there’s a 99.9% chance I will tell him to get lost. And yes, I will delete mah-self from his favorites. Dumbass!

Expectations

I remember when back in the day I would bump onto some cute guy online and set up a date. And I would rush to the store to buy a nice shirt. And how on the day of, I’d feel a little nervous and go through topics to talk about (in my head). I’d put on some make-up, and make my hair look nice. I would even wear perfume (and I’m not one to like perfume). We would meet and then (1) he didn’t look like he did on the pictures; (2) he had no manners, a/k/a was a total asshole; (3) he lied about his height – shorter than me; (4) the chemistry was just not there. Back to square one. Rinse, lather, repeat. REPEAT. Over and over and over again. Can you relate?

When dating… How high are your expectations? Mine are floor level. Or probably subway tunnel level. As in two stories underground. You know… Where there is absolutely no cell phone coverage. That’s how low they are. That’s what I’ve learned from 5 years of endless dating.

I’ve heard and read over and over again that we, as dating human beings, should not expect too much of the one we are going out with. Even though now I agree with this stupid statement, I can’t help but wonder from time to time, WHY THE HELL NOT??? Why can’t we expect to have a great date? Great conversation? Why can’t I expect to (and I’m not speaking for myself cause this bears no value to me, but I know it does for other women) have my date open the door for me? Or pull my chair as I sit at our table? Why can’t we expect that the MAN will take the reigns of the date and PLAN something amazing and/or fun for us? Why can’t we expect that he will show up holding a single flower for this magnificent woman he’s about to meet? Why can’t we expect for him to WOW us? Why can’t we expect for him to walk us outside and put us in a cab, or walk us to the train/bus station? Why can’t we expect that they will pick up the coffee bill? Or the dinner/lunch/drinks bill? Aren’t we worth most (if not all) of these things – and then some? Well, I know I’M worth it, but if he lacks on all (or most) of these basics, then perhaps, he’s not worth MY time.

I’ve learned that having some expectations is a good thing - just don’t have the expectations connected to another human being or you could be terribly disappointed. Expect to have the most amazing guacamole your taste buds have ever had the pleasure of tasting. Expect to have a delicious alcoholic beverage. Expect to taste the best cup of coffee in town. Expect to discover a new place you know for sure your best friend would love. Expect to smile at least just once. Expect to go home at a decent time. Know yourself, and the things that you know will make you happy no matter what. Enjoy the time with your date even if the one sitting across from you is not what/who he said he was, or if there’s simply no chemistry to work with. “My date is just unbearable!” you say? Well excuse yourself, stand up, walk away. There’s no need to be polite or “nice” if you’re feeling miserable. You won’t see him again. Just. Walk. Away.

Available

Single married man is looking for naughty times.  Please take note that this sweet gentleman WILL and CAN skip out on work (he must love them quickies) for the *ahem* "right girl"

I give him an A in the honesty department.

Now, if only all men where this honest, we would know what we are dealing with.

POOF!

Well, this is something that got a chuckle outta me (because I am NOT the recipient of it, of course).  I kinda wanna text it to someone... but I won't... but I want to!!! ... but I won't.

Peeves

“Great” guys come with annoying habits. I can’t help that I get turned off by the littlest things. Sue me if you can, HA!

When dating, one can’t avoid certain people until after you met them. We’ve all met the assholes, the douches and the players. The “magicians” and the stalkers. The aspiring actors and musicians… You name it we’ve met them. Now this post is not to be focused on the negative traits of a man, but how a “positive” can be viewed as a “negative.” Here are three examples:

Subject No. 1 – The “LOL” guy

I guess he liked to laugh out loud a lot? He was nice. Attentive. Talkative. A lil short for my taste (5’7”), but overall, a good guy. He lived with his mom (which is a no-no for me), yet, I was willing to overlook that “flaw” and try it out. Then I come to learn he’s a serial texter. 24/7 texting left and right, and with every text he sent, there was always that “LOL” right at the end. Was he really laughing when he told me he went to get a haircut? Or when he said he likes to drink coffee? Or when he said he wanted to see me again? *sigh* You get the drift.

Subject No. 2 – The “You’re great” guy

Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. This one was a nice guy too. From out of state which made him appealing to my eyes. A lil too eager to please me though… to the point of doing things he was obviously not into just to make me “happy.” What that really did was send me away… far away from him. That, and the fact that he would say “You’re great” every twenty minutes. I don’t know about you, but I don’t need to hear how great I am two to three times per hour. I look into his eyes, I’m great. I hand him a napkin, I’m great. I light his cigarette, I’m great. I smile at him, I’m great. I fucking fart, I’m great. *EYEROLL*

Subject No. 3 – the “R U Ok?” guy

A friend making fun of the situation.

Have you ever gotten that middle of a work day text from a guy that you couldn’t reply to, and then he sends two other texts as a follow up to his first one? Only to send a fourth one asking “R U Ok?” Well, no. I’m not Ok. Sadly I’m at work. Busy. Swamped actually. I want to murder everybody around me cause I’m in a pissy mood, and quite frankly your constant texting while I’m trying to concentrate in the gazillion files I have to go through while working on that God forsaken spreadsheet… is not helping. How about when he sends you the “R U Ok?” text after you have been unable to reply for about an hour because you are in the middle of doing your errands or while tending a long phone call with your mother. Why wouldn’t I be ok? I’m going about my day and trying to do everything I need to do because I have a date with you tonight. I’ve also gotten the “Are you mad at me?” text from this same guy when I was unable to reply to three of his texts when I was at the movies with a friend of mine. Yes, I did tell “R U Ok?” dude I would be at the movies. Now, why would I be mad when I’m having a good time with my friend?

Clinginess and adoration are sooooooooooooo not necessary in a relationship. Not a new “one” or an “old” one. I am an individual. Strong and independent. Maybe independent to a fault, but I find that being one of my best traits. I am looking for someone to compliment my life, kinda like a cell phone add-on works. I am not looking for someone to complete me since I came out of the womb whole.

I suppose these guys would be an amazing fit for those females that need constant attention and emotional reinforcement. Me? I. AM. OK!

Permission to buy you a drink

“… so I walk in and my first impression was, wow this dude has spent way to much time at taco bell, he def was a few pounds over and then some, but hey I'm open-minded…”

A friend of mine goes on a date with a regular looking guy. She was feeling a lil bit under the weather, but decided to go on this date anyways. She walks in. He’s at the bar drink in hand. She approaches. They go through introductions, and then he keeps drinking. She waits a bit. Nothing happens. WHERE’S HER DRINK? She announces that she’s going to order a drink, to what he awkwardly replies “oh, hmmm. Would you like me to get it for you?” At this point in her mind (and in mine had I been in her shoes) she KNEW this was going nowhere. She calls the bartender. Orders a glass of wine and pays for it herself. Drinks it… and goes home right after. Her mind is made up. She will never see this guy again.

Why would this DUFUS ask for permission to buy a woman a drink. Shouldn’t that be like an automatic thing? Don’t get me wrong, a guy should never order a drink blindly, but if your date is right smack in front of you and you are thinking of ordering yourself a drink (or already have one by the time she arrives) and you are a MAN, you SHOULD ask your lovely date if she wants something to drink. Its that plain… and simple.

Funny thing is that this idiot dared to call her for a follow-up. Pretty ballsy don’t you think?

If only women would stop breeding weaklings and sorry ass excuses for men. Call me old fashioned if you may, but I still think it sexy when a man takes charge.

Say that again?

I've had online dating profiles up for YEARS, but this is my first time at OkCupid.  I've been there for about a month and... I just have to laugh at this shit.

In the twenty something days I've been a member of OkCupid, I have received a total of FIVE messages and a bunch of "Quivers" (whatever the fuck those are).

So riddle me this... If I'm among the most attractive people on the fucking website, then how is it that I have not received (1) more emails, and (2) been asked out on a date.

Either OkCupid is full of stinking SHIT, or... there's a whole lotta ball-less males out there a/k/a BITCHES.

Guys... FIND YOUR BALLS PLEASE!!!

Thank you and good day!

Husbands Store

A friend forwarded this to me the other day. After printing it, reading it, and sharing it with a few selected people in the office, I decided to share with you... Because we all need a good laugh.

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1- These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2- These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..

"Wow." she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex,have big jugs and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Seriously!

Specially when dating! HA!

Well good for them!

Thanks to Twitter and @Nadiaherpes (I *cringe* at that name) I discovered a new online dating website targeting specifically those that have STD's.

Well now, isn't this nice? Would work to perfection IF people were totally honest with themselves and went straight here [and not infest another human body] than going to regular online dating websites.

I don't have any type of STD's but if I did, I would definitely try this one out.

If you have STD's then just go HERE and find your match!

KUDOS to whoever came up with this idea.

"...gift to the universe"

You saw right.  He's not wearing pants.  Yes.  He is wearing his birthday suit.  Yes.  Naked.  Hand covering dick and all.  I can't help but wonder what would drive a guy to post a picture of him naked on their online profile and I simply don't get why the website allows such a thing!  Aren't there websites out there for this type of shit?

You have to read what he wrote tho.  I made this picture big for that reason.  Take a look at that last paragraph... its a kicker!

Needless to say, I REPORTED HIS ASS!

90 Day Contract

Now HERE's a book I'd buy.

And I might as well just do that. Sounds interesting.

UPDATE: I bought the book about 30 minutes ago. Can't wait to receive it and devour it! (Not literally, of course. I don't feed on paper. That would be weird.)

Anywhos, here's the author's facebook.

Three way?

I'm not so sure how to feel about this.  I mean, yesterday, when I received this email I felt appalled!  Then I forwarded it to a friend of mine and she proceeded to say "I would just take it as a compliment , just think you attract both sexes."  Ok, she's right.  But I already knew I'm pretty.  I mean, I'm not saying I'm "drop-dead-gorgeous" or that I think I'm stunning or anything like that, but I know I'm not ugly.  Whatever, the point is, that I find it really annoying to receive this type of email (and I get this type of email a lot - from married men usually, not from a married couple) all the time.  I can't help but thinking, if I were married, that could be my husband.  there are SO MANY married men online, looking to meet other chicks its scary.

How am I supposed to believe in "love" or "marriage", or even have a "monogamous", "trusting" relationship with someone when I know all this crazy shit is going on out there.

What is a girl to do?

FFFFF???

No fucking clue what "FFFFF" means but take a look at this picture on the right.

Yeah, this is a single man, with a public online dating profile, sharing this... uh.... picture, with potential girlfriends.  Now, I get it...  She's your Best Friend Forever but...  I'm sorry, but this picture doesn't give me any good feelings.  

I'm not the jealous type, but, seriously???  This is the type of picture I would take with a boyfriend of mine or someone I'm dating and certainly not with a "friend".

Looking a little too cozy over there.  Maybe dude should take down the profile and date his "friend"?

I dunno...  In a world where everything is no longer black or white, and where "lines" get blurred left and right, and in a world where I keep getting propositioned by taken men, this type of profile picture really rubs me the wrong way.

Am I overreacting?

Cats

Well, I just learned that not liking cats (BECAUSE I'M FUCKING ALLERGIC) makes me an "extremist" at its highest degree.  I learn something about myself every day.

Can't wait for the next retard to show me the light.

I just made my profile public a few days ago and I already wanna take it down!

Just a hole

Some jokes are better to be left for when you actually KNOW someone.

I mean... I have never corresponded with this guy.  I don't know him at all.  So why is he sending me an introductory email saying "Lets make some babies"???  Lets add, had he even bothered to READ my profile, he would have seen that I do NOT want to have kids. 

This is a bad start... Baaaad start.