Say that again?

I've had online dating profiles up for YEARS, but this is my first time at OkCupid.  I've been there for about a month and... I just have to laugh at this shit.

In the twenty something days I've been a member of OkCupid, I have received a total of FIVE messages and a bunch of "Quivers" (whatever the fuck those are).

So riddle me this... If I'm among the most attractive people on the fucking website, then how is it that I have not received (1) more emails, and (2) been asked out on a date.

Either OkCupid is full of stinking SHIT, or... there's a whole lotta ball-less males out there a/k/a BITCHES.

Guys... FIND YOUR BALLS PLEASE!!!

Thank you and good day!

"...gift to the universe"

You saw right.  He's not wearing pants.  Yes.  He is wearing his birthday suit.  Yes.  Naked.  Hand covering dick and all.  I can't help but wonder what would drive a guy to post a picture of him naked on their online profile and I simply don't get why the website allows such a thing!  Aren't there websites out there for this type of shit?

You have to read what he wrote tho.  I made this picture big for that reason.  Take a look at that last paragraph... its a kicker!

Needless to say, I REPORTED HIS ASS!

Three way?

I'm not so sure how to feel about this.  I mean, yesterday, when I received this email I felt appalled!  Then I forwarded it to a friend of mine and she proceeded to say "I would just take it as a compliment , just think you attract both sexes."  Ok, she's right.  But I already knew I'm pretty.  I mean, I'm not saying I'm "drop-dead-gorgeous" or that I think I'm stunning or anything like that, but I know I'm not ugly.  Whatever, the point is, that I find it really annoying to receive this type of email (and I get this type of email a lot - from married men usually, not from a married couple) all the time.  I can't help but thinking, if I were married, that could be my husband.  there are SO MANY married men online, looking to meet other chicks its scary.

How am I supposed to believe in "love" or "marriage", or even have a "monogamous", "trusting" relationship with someone when I know all this crazy shit is going on out there.

What is a girl to do?

FFFFF???

No fucking clue what "FFFFF" means but take a look at this picture on the right.

Yeah, this is a single man, with a public online dating profile, sharing this... uh.... picture, with potential girlfriends.  Now, I get it...  She's your Best Friend Forever but...  I'm sorry, but this picture doesn't give me any good feelings.  

I'm not the jealous type, but, seriously???  This is the type of picture I would take with a boyfriend of mine or someone I'm dating and certainly not with a "friend".

Looking a little too cozy over there.  Maybe dude should take down the profile and date his "friend"?

I dunno...  In a world where everything is no longer black or white, and where "lines" get blurred left and right, and in a world where I keep getting propositioned by taken men, this type of profile picture really rubs me the wrong way.

Am I overreacting?

Just a hole

Some jokes are better to be left for when you actually KNOW someone.

I mean... I have never corresponded with this guy.  I don't know him at all.  So why is he sending me an introductory email saying "Lets make some babies"???  Lets add, had he even bothered to READ my profile, he would have seen that I do NOT want to have kids. 

This is a bad start... Baaaad start.

Back on the dating train

Well shoot me now and put me out of my misery!

It's a new year and I just found out, once again (after throwing in the towel for a few months) that dating doesn't get any better. No matter with what mind-frame I come into it, the results are the same. It's mind boggling. The question keeps popping in my head... "ARE THERE ANY "NORMAL"-REGULAR-RESPECTFUL-NICE-HONEST MEN OUT THERE?!?!?!!"

*sigh* Nevermind I asked that question. Moving on... As i was saying, I am back on the dating train, and with that, my online profile up and public. A lot more simpler, a lot less words, a lot less honest... a lot mellower... Lets see what bites.

In the meantime, while browsing the swamp of online profiles, I found this: >  >  > >

Hmmm... You think this qualifies as one of those "Things I will regret in the next two years" type list? I think so.

Dumpsville

Well it's a new season of The Bachelor.  Being Monday and all, and having nothing better to do, why not watch?

I have to admit I enjoy watching all these... um...  emotionally unbalanced, catty, ridiculous, petty women compete for the "love" (more like attention) of one man that got dumped on the very same show, on national television.  Heartbreak and rejection is bad enough when you go through it behind closed doors.  I can't even imagine what type of desperation will move these women to go through the embarrassment of being rejected, played with, and used by some idiot.  Ok, a hot idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.  Whateverssss.  Makes for entertaining TV... Hell, I'm watching!

One scene caught my eye while watching the show and doing some "research" for this blog, where one of the contestants is talking about how her last boyfriend broke up with her.  He did so via text saying "Babe, welcome to Dumpsville... population... YOU."  Total douche!  I can't even imagine how I would react to such text.  Lets just be happy that has not happened to me.

Kinda made me think of that Sex and the City episode (now how GREAT was that show!?!?) where Carrie got dumped via post-it.

Ladies... we are not even worth a face to face break up nowadays.  Sad notion.  Sad.

Who raised this kid?

Ok so last week I was emailing this guy and we set up a date for today (Thursday). He specifically said he would call me THIS week to talk about specifics. That was LAST week. Probably Thursday. What I didn’t realize was that HE was expecting ME to keep my calendar open for his sorry ass up until THE day of the “date” without having ANY type of communication whatsoever.

And no, he never called ever called nor he emailed me again, but I did receive a text from him @ 8:54 am today (Thursday). And here is how it went.

John: “Hey. It’s John from POF. Are we still on for tonight?” < < < Dude has some nerve! Not even a “good morning”? Who raised this kid???

Me: “U can’t be serious, right? I didn’t hear from u so I made plans. And good morning u too.”

John: “Ur a trip.”

Short and sweet, eh?

I thought about it for a second. I really wanted to tell him that he spelled “Ure/You’re” incorrectly. My friends… there IS a difference between Your/Ur and You’re/Ure. For some reason, most Caucasian guys (that’s my dating preference) can’t spell for their life! Anyways, it was just my immature side that wanted to make him feel a lil stupid or irk him in some way. But I figured I’d just ignore his uneducated white ass and call it a day.

Sometimes I just can’t be bothered.

NEXT!!!!

"Body type"

Have you ever read online dating profiles where people state their “body type” to be “athletic”? Have you then proceed to look at the pictures not to only find out that (1) there are NO full body pictures – to corroborate this statement; and (2) find all sorts of “head shot” pictures that show… a double chin?

Do you really think we won’t notice you’re chunky just because you STATED you were “athletic”? What about IF we meet, and I expect to see an “athletic body”, like you have claimed? Do you really think you can get away with that? -- I honestly I don’t see how! I am sorry but playing ping pong or watching sports on TV doesn’t give you an “athletic” body nor will make you look “athletic” when you are obviously carrying pounds on your face and neck… and possibly on your torso.

Oh and… NO! “prefer not to say” doesn’t make you look any good either. Just be honest with yourself! Either way, those picture speak for themselves.

Somehow, somewhere, the definitions of “athletic”, “average”, and a “few extra pounds” lost their real meaning and now it just makes it even more … uh… “interesting” to browse through these online profiles.

This just keeps getting better and better.

*** *** ***

**I found these definitions surfing the world wide web. Hopefully it will help you understand these body type "parameters" and if you're the honest type, you will fix your profile accordingly.**

Thin:No body fat, to negligible body fat, has the body of a professional model (Male or Female)

Athletic:Just that, body is toned, no flab, and this is clearly different then Thin, Athletic is Athletic

Average:Not Thin, exactly Average is what it means, you are the right weight for your height, and are not A Few Extra Pounds, but you are not Athletic because you are not toned.

A Few Extra Pounds:Just this, you would need to lose 15 pounds or less to be in the Average Body Type

Between A Few Extra Pounds & BBW or Bear Like:Would need to lose 16 pounds or more, but not a BBW or Bear Like

BBW:Just that, a Big Beautiful Woman

Bear LikeJust this, the male equivalent of a BBW.

Brainless?

Often I wonder if men are given a brain at birth or if that part of the process just skips them altogether?

I was currently talking with this dude I met online. We emailed back and forth, on and off, for 2 weeks. I was either too busy with my life or with other dates and I’m sure he was/is on the same boat. But yesterday he texted me and today seems like more of the same. He’s a “jokester”. Nothing wrong with that, right? But I wonder, will I ever be able to have a serious conversation with him that doesn’t necessarily involves “LOL’s”?

This morning he sent me a “piggy” comment. On this end, I was trying to figure out if he really meant it or if he was kidding. Regardless of what the intention behind it was, I am not for any type of “sexual” or “disrespectful” texting or conversation with someone I don’t know or haven’t even met. The conversation went like this:

Me: -“Are you one of those PIGS that want bikini pictures?”
Him: -“Haha. Only if it’s a thong bikini.”

So… I stopped texting him. Tried to figure out if he’s a pig or not and then after about an hour…

Him: -“Where did you go?”
Me: -“I’m here. Just trying to get over the bad joke”
Him: -“Ha. Oh please.”
Me: -“I don’t know if you are aware but there’s a LOT of sick PIGS online and for a second there you sounded like one. If you can’t see that then, ooooh well!”
Him: -“I was teasing silly”
Me: -“I don’t know you so how would I be able to know? Hello?!?!
Him: -“Fair enough. I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

Who raises these kids?

Say that again?

This chat lasted about eight minutes.

A Brooklyn guy contacts me. He’s cute. I reply. He asks where in the city I work, I proceed to tell him. He asks what I am on the site for. I say I’m not entirely sure but I think an easy flowy conversation over a drink would be a nice way to start anything… if anything. He asks if I know the “Q” train. Uhhh… Yes? And then he proceeds to tell me to take the Q train to… uh... Brooklyn. Excuse me??? I live in Jersey you self centered ass!

Can someone explain to me why a guy would expect a woman to go to them for a first date? For some reason I keep bumping onto idiots that want me to go for a drink on their neck of the woods. Whatever happened to the middle ground? So I live in Jersey and you live in Brooklyn/Queens/Bronx… Can’t we just meet somewhere in Manhattan? As in Midtown/Downtown/Uptown?

Dating in this city SUCKS!

Never fails.

So last week I “bumped” onto some 28 y/o kid online. I was browsing through the guys and saw his picture, saved his profile to read later but then he emailed me asking why I “saved” him and didn’t write. So I proceeded to inform him that I sometimes save profiles to read later since I like to actually read profiles before making any contacts. Anyways, we ended up emailing throughout the whole day and the next morning he asked for my phone number. And the texting marathon started. Three days in a row w constant texting/emailing from 8ish am till 10ish pm, and then… NOTHING.

Where did he go?

Running

So I found one and I don’t want it. Go figure! Lol. Almost three months ago I started corresponding with this guy I met online. A call here and there became a call every day, and so we started this telehone courting thing. I kept hearing over and over again “we have to go out soon”, “we have to meet soon”, “I can’t wait to meet you”, but no plans were ever made. Then one day, he mentions an actual day to meet. I say yes, then he never contacts me the day of. Ok. Calls keep coming. We keep talking. Text messages ignored. First rings are ignored as well. Someone always had to call someone back. Then I suggest a day for a date. He says, yes. The day comes and I get cancellation text. Now I’m curious. Why is this man who calls me every night and have hour long conversations with (even though I am not a phone person), can’t follow through our date plans. So I decide to wait (very out of character for me). Then again, I have nothing else better to do. And oh boy do I love a mystery!

The day comes! Finally! Almost 2 months after initial contact. First date, pretty normal. Food and pool game. Nothing out of the ordinary or extraordinary. Just two adults, eating, drinking, having conversation and enjoying the afternoon. Things that made me "stop short": (1) he held my hand *and God knows how uncomfortable a stranger touching me makes me*; (2) he asked for a hug… without my coat on. Yes, it was requested of me to take my coat off for this hug. HUH???; and, (3) the comment was made that if I had a list of guys I was talking to, he’d hope that list comes down to only one name soon. Yes, in less than two hours after physically meeting.

Whatever. We kissed good night and then I sent myself home. Later that night, the phone rings. Its him. I think “Odd”. He tells me he had a good time and wants to go out again. Mentions a hiking trip and of course I'm game. He finds the need to tell me how great a kisser I am… Uhhh… Ok? We say good night and that’s that for the day. Date number two comes with no cancellations. I figured that’s a good sign. We go on our hiking trip. He gets us lost. I start shittin bricks cause now I’m in the woods with a stranger and go thru escape scenarios in my head. With no need really because this guy is… harmless. He says he’s really interested in me, like seriously. Uh… this is our second date. How can he know this? I brush it off. He holds my hand more and more. I feel a ‘lil weird about it cause, well, I’m not used to it but I say “fuck it.” He hugs and kisses and holds my hands and tells me he doesn’t want me to date other people. He talks about future dates and how he wants to see me, not just the weekends but during the week as well. How he wants to do different activities every time we see each other. How he wants to cook for me and massage me and all this stuff. How he belives in marriage and how he wants to have two kids... Is all this serious talk really necessary so early?

Isn't this what I wanted? What I’ve been searching for? Yeah, pretty much. So, why am I turned off? Why do I not want to go out w this guy, that’s interested in me (and only me – according to him)? My head is spinning!

From now on, I'll try to never ever forget one of my precious online dating rules. Never spend more than two weeks talking to a guy without meeting him. It will prove to be wasted time. If you can manage to meet this "prince" within a week of first contact, even better.

I gotta look more into this.

Dating in the "real world"

WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!!!

Ok, now that I got that out of the way… lets talk dating… in your 30’s… in NYC. You would think it would be a piece of cake to date or to even meet a decent guy in this single packed city. Think again!

Yesterday a friend of mine and I went to this Victorian bar by Union Square with the hopes of a more mature crowd than what we have been seeing at bars lately. We are so sick and tired of the 20-something crowd. Lillies seemed like the perfect place. The crowd was a good mix of late 20s and late 30s and we were standing right in between. There were a few good looking guys (not too many cause if that was the case I’d think I died and went to heaven). Good music. Good bar food. Expectations went from zero to three (and believe me, three is a high number) in a matter of minutes. And then… FLOP!

Does any man in this city ever walk away from their “click” to talk to a woman he doesn't know? It just seems like all the men out there are more into their guy friends than anything else. How do singles meet other singles in the real world, when everybody’s too afraid to talk to each other. Is it really fear? Or is it something else?

I have tried to meet guys outside the online dating world… to no avail. What gives?

Even Average Joe's can be Assholes

I had a brunch date last Sunday. With a regular average Joe type of guy. This bachelor I got straight out of an online dating site. Nothing special. I have decided to date outside my comfort zone and since it’s my preference to date guys with light colored eyes, I went ahead and agreed to this date with someone with brown eyes. Physically, the guy was not my type. But beggars can’t be choosers and since I’m not getting any younger, I’ve decided to not be as picky in the appearances department. We had normal conversation. I found out we had a couple things in common. He said he didn’t like lies and he didn’t lie. I decided to believe him. He told me about his grandpa, camping trips and traveling experiences. I told him how I came to this horrible city and some traveling experiences as well. He let me try his drink and food. I allowed him to do the same. He paid for brunch (which in today’s dating world seems to be rare). He mentioned a “next time”. I smiled. Now we parted ways so I send him a text message to let him know I had a good time and thanks for brunch and “until next time”… and I never heard from him again.

What gives?!? I force myself to go out on a cold Sunday. With a guy I don’t know, straight out of a dating website. Someone I’m not physically attracted to but seemed to get better looking during conversation. He fucking implies there would be a second date and then… > > >


CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR PEOPLE TO JUST GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS AND BE HONEST TO ONE ANOTHER?

Dear Mr. Coward Asshole:

If you don’t mean or intend to go out, again, with the girl you’re on a date with… do not mention a next time cause you KNOW there wont be a next time. Do not say “ill call you during the week” cause you KNOW you won’t be calling. Stop being such a fucking coward! Or are your dick and balls so small and inward, almost resembling a vagina and that’s why you acted like such a pussy? If this is the case, kindly buy a strap-on and a dildo and OWN it.

Sincerely,

The Dating Police

Diapers v. Walking Canes

I have been off the market (by choice) for a little while now, but lately I have been flirting with the idea and getting myself emotionally ready to jump back on the dating train. No easy task but if I want someone to massage my back when it hurts, and make me breakfast on the weekends, I suppose dating is a good way to start.

I am a 33 year old female that has been single since 2007 and dating on and off since then. I also have a few friends, within my age range, that have been single and mingling about the same time than yours truly. Being single in a city like this (New York) is no piece of cake. Lets keep in mind the male-female ratio, same not favorable to women (in this city). How do you compete in a market saturated by females where the “emotionally available” attractive male market is so scarce and women are giving out their good like its free candy? If you know the answer to that, please… PLEASE email me >>> igotadate@gmail.com <<<.

I consider myself a pro (nothing to be proud of) at online dating, and let me tell you that I keep seeing the same faces over and over again for YEARS. Needless to say, I still have profiles up in a couple sites but I only really use one of them (when I’m bored), which I browse to only see… repetition. Not only we (and when I say “we” I mean my female friends and I) have to deal with the weirdos that NYC and NJ has to offer, but we also have to weed out the professional players with electronic rosters, social misfits, and lets not forget about those with the Peter Pan Syndrome

Now another obstacle we have to jump ... Lately I have noticed that men in my age range do not want to date women in their 30’s as their profiles usually read “Age Preference: 19-29”. I’m sorry but if you are a 35-40 year old man, what in the world would you have in common with a 20 year old girl, and why in the world wouldn't you date a woman in their 30’s? We have also noticed that the emails we receive from “online men” are usually those from the ages between 22-25 and 45- and UP! Why is our pool full of diapers and walking canes?

CAN SOMEONE POINT ME TOWARDS WHERE THE "THIRTY-SOMETHINGS" MEN ARE?!?!

I can't even get cheap tickets to "special" events cause of my age! WTF!!!

This city just keeps sucking.

*Le Sigh*