Not far from the truth.

The advantages of having an “honest” guy friend

Happy hump day to me! And what’s a hump day without talking a wee bit about sex early in the morning, eh? No, I did not have company last night. What I did have was an interesting text exchange between a guy I met a while back (probably in 2008) through Match.com. What! We have kept communication open. Nothing wrong with that. Hi J!!!! ;-)

Anywhos, I have been reading this book called “Dating Sucks” and it is so right on its scary! As I read through the chapters, all I can think of is “I could’ve written this!”. Whatever, the thing is that I quoted a couple of lines on facebook and my dear friend just HAD to contact me. If you read this… When are we going to meet up for those drinks??? Too busy being a manhoe? *sigh*

Here’s the exchange [enjoy!]:

J: Yep. It’s hard to find a decent dude. Id think there’s def more quality women out there. Men are guided by their penis’ and ego and insecurities most of the time.

J: I’m not one of them and neither are my friends. We’re a different breed. We’re aware of women’s feelings.

Me: Ima quote you on my blog. That was good… at least the first part of it, totally agree!

J: however, I enjoy being single. I do love to make love to a woman. There, lies an issue if one of those women are not comfortable with that. I do think there are a bunch of guys out there who feel and act the same. Loving to give love but not wanting a lasting commitment to one being.

Me: so you think u make love w all these women? U wouldn’t call it fucking? Or sex? To make love id assume ud have to be in love, no?

Me: and… do you tell/inform these girls that “this” has a two week shelve life before the fact? Cause if you don’t … you have to be aware that you are “the asshole” in their conversations.

J: LOL. Not all interactions are similar. AND its not like I’m banging away with multiple women each week or month. You can have a connection with someone and make love on one or a few occasions. The feelings reciprocal and no, I’m not THAT asshole. I will admit that I have been that asshole a few times in my life but I care about others feelings and really only ‘get off’ if they ‘get off’ so all are usually happy.

J: We are gonna have to speak because texting sometimes clouds and miscommunicates.

Me: But do they know there’s no possible future? You didn’t answer that. Do you tell them “I love my freedom” or “I don’t want a committed relationship” or “this is just sex” or anything like that?

At this point he calls me, but I’m at work so I can’t really have this conversation. I pick up and tell him I’m at work and can’t really talk [about this] and proceed to tell him to call me tonight at 8pm if he gets a chance.

Even though right now it’s too damned early for this shit, I am REALLY curious about what he’s got to say about this.

To be continued…

Brainless?

Often I wonder if men are given a brain at birth or if that part of the process just skips them altogether?

I was currently talking with this dude I met online. We emailed back and forth, on and off, for 2 weeks. I was either too busy with my life or with other dates and I’m sure he was/is on the same boat. But yesterday he texted me and today seems like more of the same. He’s a “jokester”. Nothing wrong with that, right? But I wonder, will I ever be able to have a serious conversation with him that doesn’t necessarily involves “LOL’s”?

This morning he sent me a “piggy” comment. On this end, I was trying to figure out if he really meant it or if he was kidding. Regardless of what the intention behind it was, I am not for any type of “sexual” or “disrespectful” texting or conversation with someone I don’t know or haven’t even met. The conversation went like this:

Me: -“Are you one of those PIGS that want bikini pictures?”
Him: -“Haha. Only if it’s a thong bikini.”

So… I stopped texting him. Tried to figure out if he’s a pig or not and then after about an hour…

Him: -“Where did you go?”
Me: -“I’m here. Just trying to get over the bad joke”
Him: -“Ha. Oh please.”
Me: -“I don’t know if you are aware but there’s a LOT of sick PIGS online and for a second there you sounded like one. If you can’t see that then, ooooh well!”
Him: -“I was teasing silly”
Me: -“I don’t know you so how would I be able to know? Hello?!?!
Him: -“Fair enough. I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

Who raises these kids?

Daily News did it again!

We'll I can't be complaining ALL the time! LOL

I wanna give yet another GRACIAS to the Daily News for providing me with FOUR more tickets to go see the Yankees v. Texas Rangers. I will be taking three lucky girlfriends to the game.

@ the Yankees v. (I forgot who the opossing team was) game 5/11/2011

I love freebies!!! YAY!

Sneakers or high heels?

Throughout the years I have learned that first dates mean absolutely nothing. You can go out on a date and be totally horrendous from the beginning, or you can go on a date where everything falls into place. Regardless of the scenario, I can tell you this… no matter how great you thought that first date went (or even how great you feel or look), you are not assured a second one.

So… why go through the aggravation of putting on make up and wearing uncomfy shoes for a stranger? The percentage of us seeing each other again is VERY slim. Why prep myself with nice stuff for a guy that (1) could be a total jackass; or (2) will most likely never see again in my life?

Here’s my theory: I show up as comfortable as possible (if the date is on a work night or a Sunday -- Saturdays are a different story). If the date goes well and he likes me AND we go out on a second date, THEN I’ll dress to impress and be a lil uncomfy. I am not all done up 24/7, so why missrepresent myself on a first date? I want someone to like how I look either wearing sweatpants or jeans… short or long dress. Sneakers and flip flops, sandals and high heels.

So I’ll keep showing up as the real me. Later if lighting strikes, then I’ll make sure I’ll “shine” for the one that stuck around even tho I looked like ass.

Damned shoes!

So last Saturday I went out with one of my good friends.

Our original plans were to have some drinks and then go watch a movie... or maybe drinks and dinner. Whatever. The point is that the main character of the night was going to be Mr. Booze. Cause... When your love life sucks and your job is a job is a job, all you wanna do is drink to make it all better... for a couple hours at least.

Well, we wanted a low key night and skip the aggravation of going to a bar or lounge and realize once again what we were NOT missing, so we decided against drinks at a bar and went straight for dinner... and drinks on the side. Simply deliciousness. She had her precious wine. I had my sweet Khalua & milk. She had her salad. I had my brazilian rice, beans and chicken... and then... we walked to the movies.

Sometimes I wished I had a motorized scooter so I could roll around Manhattan w/o a care in the world.

Not only my job is a pain in my ass and my love life totally sucks, but now my feet feel just how they look.

Why do I wear "cute" shoes again???

SHOOT ME!

Excuse YOU!

Have you ever been at a movie theater and decided to go to the bathroom before the movie starts so you wont miss a thing?

Well, last night I dared to make such a decision.

Just imagine me walking the long walk to the bathroom (I REALLY had to go), and as I am speeding up toward the glorious "WOMEN'S RESTROOM" sign, this man walking the opposite way, leans towards me and

Oh yes he did. He burped at me.

Now THAT's some new kinda sexy.

I wonder what I'll have to endure next.

DATING SUCKS!!!

Well, well, well... I was browsing around dating topics and I found the book Dating Sucks! Couldn't help myself so I bought it (an used copy of course, wich I will be lending my friends for their own informational entertainment).

Reading a book about a topic I very much well know can't hurt... can it? I mean, how much more cynical could I possibly get? LOL

Lies

‎"One of mankind's greatest abilities is the power to lie. Whether is for good or bad... profit or survival. We bend the truth. It's a skill we pick up early and hone over time, pulling the wool over the eyes of our parents, our teachers, our boss, even ourselves. We tell ourselves we"ll lose weight, quit smoking. That at the end of the day we are really a good person...What happens when we call our own bluff? When we can't convince ourselves that deep down, we really aren't the stuff of nightmares?" - Being Human

Guns blazing

Am I supposed to be attracted to you? Mister look-at-this-big-long-riffle-I'm-holding-like-a-trophy? Are you lacking in another… *AHEM* department? Stop being such a creep! Women are getting killed by crazy wackos now days. If you had half a brain, you'd take that picture down. But you won't, so I'll just keep laughing at your sorry self.

Damn you, Grey!

“There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t cause I thought id be happy alone. It was because I thought that if I loved someone … and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love… and then you don’t have it? What if you like it… and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then… it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is… death ends. This? It could go on forever.” – Grey’s Anatomy

Say that again?

This chat lasted about eight minutes.

A Brooklyn guy contacts me. He’s cute. I reply. He asks where in the city I work, I proceed to tell him. He asks what I am on the site for. I say I’m not entirely sure but I think an easy flowy conversation over a drink would be a nice way to start anything… if anything. He asks if I know the “Q” train. Uhhh… Yes? And then he proceeds to tell me to take the Q train to… uh... Brooklyn. Excuse me??? I live in Jersey you self centered ass!

Can someone explain to me why a guy would expect a woman to go to them for a first date? For some reason I keep bumping onto idiots that want me to go for a drink on their neck of the woods. Whatever happened to the middle ground? So I live in Jersey and you live in Brooklyn/Queens/Bronx… Can’t we just meet somewhere in Manhattan? As in Midtown/Downtown/Uptown?

Dating in this city SUCKS!

Never fails.

So last week I “bumped” onto some 28 y/o kid online. I was browsing through the guys and saw his picture, saved his profile to read later but then he emailed me asking why I “saved” him and didn’t write. So I proceeded to inform him that I sometimes save profiles to read later since I like to actually read profiles before making any contacts. Anyways, we ended up emailing throughout the whole day and the next morning he asked for my phone number. And the texting marathon started. Three days in a row w constant texting/emailing from 8ish am till 10ish pm, and then… NOTHING.

Where did he go?

Boys!!!

I'd like to give a shout out to the Daily News for picking my name out of however many, and making me a winer of four Yankee game tickets! Now, this one's not too fond of sports, let alone baseball, but I figured, there'll be a lot of men/boys there and what could be a better place to mingle with the oposite sex? Well, I don't know how much mingling one can do while these animal's testosterone raises to the highest levels imaginable, but I'm pretty sure I'll have good times with my 3 girl friends while holding an overpriced hot dog in one hand and an overpriced warm beer in the other. Is it quitting time yet???

So which one is it?

Sometimes I wonder… Why the ones that we don’t want are the ones that want us? Or… Is it that the ones that want us, we don’t want? I guess the question is, are we (or in this particular case, am I) emotionally available and/or able to open up and let someone in?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not taking my words back. Yes, men are still assholes and players. But I am also aware that there are (even tho they are very very very few left) good and nice guys out there, which I have had the privilege to cross paths with… and kept on walking.

I dunno. I wonder if the time will come when I’m ready to jump, and if that day comes, will there be someone down there to catch me?

Running

So I found one and I don’t want it. Go figure! Lol. Almost three months ago I started corresponding with this guy I met online. A call here and there became a call every day, and so we started this telehone courting thing. I kept hearing over and over again “we have to go out soon”, “we have to meet soon”, “I can’t wait to meet you”, but no plans were ever made. Then one day, he mentions an actual day to meet. I say yes, then he never contacts me the day of. Ok. Calls keep coming. We keep talking. Text messages ignored. First rings are ignored as well. Someone always had to call someone back. Then I suggest a day for a date. He says, yes. The day comes and I get cancellation text. Now I’m curious. Why is this man who calls me every night and have hour long conversations with (even though I am not a phone person), can’t follow through our date plans. So I decide to wait (very out of character for me). Then again, I have nothing else better to do. And oh boy do I love a mystery!

The day comes! Finally! Almost 2 months after initial contact. First date, pretty normal. Food and pool game. Nothing out of the ordinary or extraordinary. Just two adults, eating, drinking, having conversation and enjoying the afternoon. Things that made me "stop short": (1) he held my hand *and God knows how uncomfortable a stranger touching me makes me*; (2) he asked for a hug… without my coat on. Yes, it was requested of me to take my coat off for this hug. HUH???; and, (3) the comment was made that if I had a list of guys I was talking to, he’d hope that list comes down to only one name soon. Yes, in less than two hours after physically meeting.

Whatever. We kissed good night and then I sent myself home. Later that night, the phone rings. Its him. I think “Odd”. He tells me he had a good time and wants to go out again. Mentions a hiking trip and of course I'm game. He finds the need to tell me how great a kisser I am… Uhhh… Ok? We say good night and that’s that for the day. Date number two comes with no cancellations. I figured that’s a good sign. We go on our hiking trip. He gets us lost. I start shittin bricks cause now I’m in the woods with a stranger and go thru escape scenarios in my head. With no need really because this guy is… harmless. He says he’s really interested in me, like seriously. Uh… this is our second date. How can he know this? I brush it off. He holds my hand more and more. I feel a ‘lil weird about it cause, well, I’m not used to it but I say “fuck it.” He hugs and kisses and holds my hands and tells me he doesn’t want me to date other people. He talks about future dates and how he wants to see me, not just the weekends but during the week as well. How he wants to do different activities every time we see each other. How he wants to cook for me and massage me and all this stuff. How he belives in marriage and how he wants to have two kids... Is all this serious talk really necessary so early?

Isn't this what I wanted? What I’ve been searching for? Yeah, pretty much. So, why am I turned off? Why do I not want to go out w this guy, that’s interested in me (and only me – according to him)? My head is spinning!

From now on, I'll try to never ever forget one of my precious online dating rules. Never spend more than two weeks talking to a guy without meeting him. It will prove to be wasted time. If you can manage to meet this "prince" within a week of first contact, even better.

I gotta look more into this.

Dating in the "real world"

WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!!!

Ok, now that I got that out of the way… lets talk dating… in your 30’s… in NYC. You would think it would be a piece of cake to date or to even meet a decent guy in this single packed city. Think again!

Yesterday a friend of mine and I went to this Victorian bar by Union Square with the hopes of a more mature crowd than what we have been seeing at bars lately. We are so sick and tired of the 20-something crowd. Lillies seemed like the perfect place. The crowd was a good mix of late 20s and late 30s and we were standing right in between. There were a few good looking guys (not too many cause if that was the case I’d think I died and went to heaven). Good music. Good bar food. Expectations went from zero to three (and believe me, three is a high number) in a matter of minutes. And then… FLOP!

Does any man in this city ever walk away from their “click” to talk to a woman he doesn't know? It just seems like all the men out there are more into their guy friends than anything else. How do singles meet other singles in the real world, when everybody’s too afraid to talk to each other. Is it really fear? Or is it something else?

I have tried to meet guys outside the online dating world… to no avail. What gives?

Even Average Joe's can be Assholes

I had a brunch date last Sunday. With a regular average Joe type of guy. This bachelor I got straight out of an online dating site. Nothing special. I have decided to date outside my comfort zone and since it’s my preference to date guys with light colored eyes, I went ahead and agreed to this date with someone with brown eyes. Physically, the guy was not my type. But beggars can’t be choosers and since I’m not getting any younger, I’ve decided to not be as picky in the appearances department. We had normal conversation. I found out we had a couple things in common. He said he didn’t like lies and he didn’t lie. I decided to believe him. He told me about his grandpa, camping trips and traveling experiences. I told him how I came to this horrible city and some traveling experiences as well. He let me try his drink and food. I allowed him to do the same. He paid for brunch (which in today’s dating world seems to be rare). He mentioned a “next time”. I smiled. Now we parted ways so I send him a text message to let him know I had a good time and thanks for brunch and “until next time”… and I never heard from him again.

What gives?!? I force myself to go out on a cold Sunday. With a guy I don’t know, straight out of a dating website. Someone I’m not physically attracted to but seemed to get better looking during conversation. He fucking implies there would be a second date and then… > > >


CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR PEOPLE TO JUST GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS AND BE HONEST TO ONE ANOTHER?

Dear Mr. Coward Asshole:

If you don’t mean or intend to go out, again, with the girl you’re on a date with… do not mention a next time cause you KNOW there wont be a next time. Do not say “ill call you during the week” cause you KNOW you won’t be calling. Stop being such a fucking coward! Or are your dick and balls so small and inward, almost resembling a vagina and that’s why you acted like such a pussy? If this is the case, kindly buy a strap-on and a dildo and OWN it.

Sincerely,

The Dating Police

Dating

I think its time to get back on the dating train and see what happens. I’ve been dreading this moment for the longest but sometimes you just have to jump in.

I’ve heard from the same mouths over and over and over again “things will happen when you least expect them”, “you will meet him when you’re not looking”, “maybe you’re trying to hard”, “you’re not trying hard enough” and “if you don’t put yourself out there you will never meet anyone”. Um… damned if I do, damned if I don’t. ladies and gentlemen, we have a Catch 22 here!

Since obviously my “not single” friends have no idea what the hell they are talking about (either that or they just cant remember how bad it was when they weren't coupled up), I will still do things my way, but will keep in mind their messy advices.

One thing's for sure... I HATE THIS PART OF LIFE!

Diapers v. Walking Canes

I have been off the market (by choice) for a little while now, but lately I have been flirting with the idea and getting myself emotionally ready to jump back on the dating train. No easy task but if I want someone to massage my back when it hurts, and make me breakfast on the weekends, I suppose dating is a good way to start.

I am a 33 year old female that has been single since 2007 and dating on and off since then. I also have a few friends, within my age range, that have been single and mingling about the same time than yours truly. Being single in a city like this (New York) is no piece of cake. Lets keep in mind the male-female ratio, same not favorable to women (in this city). How do you compete in a market saturated by females where the “emotionally available” attractive male market is so scarce and women are giving out their good like its free candy? If you know the answer to that, please… PLEASE email me >>> igotadate@gmail.com <<<.

I consider myself a pro (nothing to be proud of) at online dating, and let me tell you that I keep seeing the same faces over and over again for YEARS. Needless to say, I still have profiles up in a couple sites but I only really use one of them (when I’m bored), which I browse to only see… repetition. Not only we (and when I say “we” I mean my female friends and I) have to deal with the weirdos that NYC and NJ has to offer, but we also have to weed out the professional players with electronic rosters, social misfits, and lets not forget about those with the Peter Pan Syndrome

Now another obstacle we have to jump ... Lately I have noticed that men in my age range do not want to date women in their 30’s as their profiles usually read “Age Preference: 19-29”. I’m sorry but if you are a 35-40 year old man, what in the world would you have in common with a 20 year old girl, and why in the world wouldn't you date a woman in their 30’s? We have also noticed that the emails we receive from “online men” are usually those from the ages between 22-25 and 45- and UP! Why is our pool full of diapers and walking canes?

CAN SOMEONE POINT ME TOWARDS WHERE THE "THIRTY-SOMETHINGS" MEN ARE?!?!

I can't even get cheap tickets to "special" events cause of my age! WTF!!!

This city just keeps sucking.

*Le Sigh*