Permission to buy you a drink

“… so I walk in and my first impression was, wow this dude has spent way to much time at taco bell, he def was a few pounds over and then some, but hey I'm open-minded…”

A friend of mine goes on a date with a regular looking guy. She was feeling a lil bit under the weather, but decided to go on this date anyways. She walks in. He’s at the bar drink in hand. She approaches. They go through introductions, and then he keeps drinking. She waits a bit. Nothing happens. WHERE’S HER DRINK? She announces that she’s going to order a drink, to what he awkwardly replies “oh, hmmm. Would you like me to get it for you?” At this point in her mind (and in mine had I been in her shoes) she KNEW this was going nowhere. She calls the bartender. Orders a glass of wine and pays for it herself. Drinks it… and goes home right after. Her mind is made up. She will never see this guy again.

Why would this DUFUS ask for permission to buy a woman a drink. Shouldn’t that be like an automatic thing? Don’t get me wrong, a guy should never order a drink blindly, but if your date is right smack in front of you and you are thinking of ordering yourself a drink (or already have one by the time she arrives) and you are a MAN, you SHOULD ask your lovely date if she wants something to drink. Its that plain… and simple.

Funny thing is that this idiot dared to call her for a follow-up. Pretty ballsy don’t you think?

If only women would stop breeding weaklings and sorry ass excuses for men. Call me old fashioned if you may, but I still think it sexy when a man takes charge.

Say that again?

I've had online dating profiles up for YEARS, but this is my first time at OkCupid.  I've been there for about a month and... I just have to laugh at this shit.

In the twenty something days I've been a member of OkCupid, I have received a total of FIVE messages and a bunch of "Quivers" (whatever the fuck those are).

So riddle me this... If I'm among the most attractive people on the fucking website, then how is it that I have not received (1) more emails, and (2) been asked out on a date.

Either OkCupid is full of stinking SHIT, or... there's a whole lotta ball-less males out there a/k/a BITCHES.

Guys... FIND YOUR BALLS PLEASE!!!

Thank you and good day!

Husbands Store

A friend forwarded this to me the other day. After printing it, reading it, and sharing it with a few selected people in the office, I decided to share with you... Because we all need a good laugh.

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1- These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2- These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..

"Wow." she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex,have big jugs and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Changes

Today I am feeling a ‘lil blue. So, instead of writing a rabid rant or an angry complaint, I’m simply going to diary my feelings… here.

Ever since I can remember I’ve been a loner. I enjoy my time alone. When I was a little kid, I played alone, and I was happy. I remember my mom always “complaining” about how I always only had one friend. I never really cared. I was happy with having that one friend. And so I dragged that trait of mine until 8th grade, when my circle of friends grew to the grand number of four. Now, don’t get me wrong. I knew other kids, but I only confided and cared for the very few I held close to me. In High School my circle of friends grew, and in college I went back to my “old” ways and my circle became smaller… more quaint. After graduation, I moved to the States. Who would’ve known how hard it would be to make friends as an adult… In a country somewhat hard to understand. But I made my way, and I’ve met wonderful people. Today, I have a total of four close friends (three girls and a boy) who I very much care deeply for.

Recently, a friend who I learned to love like a little sister revealed that she was working on getting accepted at some grad school on the West Coast. To better her future. To become independent. I was extremely happy for her. I AM EXTREMELY HAPPY FOR HER. I also felt a little sadness since her moving to the West Coast means that I won’t get to see her for a while. She won’t be around. I wont be able to grab a drink with her, or go shopping, or cook for her, or have slumber nights (cause yes, I am an adult, but I do enjoy movie nights with an ice cream bowl in hand and maybe a cup full of booze in the other.) Regardless, I am happy for her. I hope she gets accepted in that school. She deserves a better life.

Yesterday another close friend dropped the bomb that she was too thinking of moving… TO FUCKING IRELAND… THIS SUMMER! This Summer?!?!? OMG this fucking Summer!!! When she leaves, (oh my dear friend), who am I going to voice my complaints to? NOBODY gets ME the way she does. NOBODY understands the dating shit I go through like she does. FUCK, we go through the same shit! IRELAND?!?! I will miss you terribly. I keep telling myself “we have email,” but it won’t be the same. Nothing beats having her across the table from me, narrating horror dating stories, laughing till our abs hurt at our men misfortunes. Who am I going to text to tune in Discovery ID to watch how horrific humans are? Or to tune in channel whatever to watch Celebrity Ghosts Stories (or any ghost show)? WHO? Regardless of this, I know and totally understand why she’s doing this, and totally support her decision. But I can’t help being saddened by this news. I wish her well, and hope she finds what she’s looking for… what we are ALL looking for.

There you have it. That’s two of my close friends leaving in 6-8 months. Two friends I love dearly. Two friends I don’t want to lose. What am I going to do without them? All I can do now is try to spend as much time with them as I can, and strengthen our friendships bond, to endure the absence and long distance.

Good luck to you both in your future endeavors. I’m pretty sure our paths will cross again in the future.

Seriously!

Specially when dating! HA!

Well good for them!

Thanks to Twitter and @Nadiaherpes (I *cringe* at that name) I discovered a new online dating website targeting specifically those that have STD's.

Well now, isn't this nice? Would work to perfection IF people were totally honest with themselves and went straight here [and not infest another human body] than going to regular online dating websites.

I don't have any type of STD's but if I did, I would definitely try this one out.

If you have STD's then just go HERE and find your match!

KUDOS to whoever came up with this idea.

"...gift to the universe"

You saw right.  He's not wearing pants.  Yes.  He is wearing his birthday suit.  Yes.  Naked.  Hand covering dick and all.  I can't help but wonder what would drive a guy to post a picture of him naked on their online profile and I simply don't get why the website allows such a thing!  Aren't there websites out there for this type of shit?

You have to read what he wrote tho.  I made this picture big for that reason.  Take a look at that last paragraph... its a kicker!

Needless to say, I REPORTED HIS ASS!

90 Day Contract

Now HERE's a book I'd buy.

And I might as well just do that. Sounds interesting.

UPDATE: I bought the book about 30 minutes ago. Can't wait to receive it and devour it! (Not literally, of course. I don't feed on paper. That would be weird.)

Anywhos, here's the author's facebook.

Three way?

I'm not so sure how to feel about this.  I mean, yesterday, when I received this email I felt appalled!  Then I forwarded it to a friend of mine and she proceeded to say "I would just take it as a compliment , just think you attract both sexes."  Ok, she's right.  But I already knew I'm pretty.  I mean, I'm not saying I'm "drop-dead-gorgeous" or that I think I'm stunning or anything like that, but I know I'm not ugly.  Whatever, the point is, that I find it really annoying to receive this type of email (and I get this type of email a lot - from married men usually, not from a married couple) all the time.  I can't help but thinking, if I were married, that could be my husband.  there are SO MANY married men online, looking to meet other chicks its scary.

How am I supposed to believe in "love" or "marriage", or even have a "monogamous", "trusting" relationship with someone when I know all this crazy shit is going on out there.

What is a girl to do?

FFFFF???

No fucking clue what "FFFFF" means but take a look at this picture on the right.

Yeah, this is a single man, with a public online dating profile, sharing this... uh.... picture, with potential girlfriends.  Now, I get it...  She's your Best Friend Forever but...  I'm sorry, but this picture doesn't give me any good feelings.  

I'm not the jealous type, but, seriously???  This is the type of picture I would take with a boyfriend of mine or someone I'm dating and certainly not with a "friend".

Looking a little too cozy over there.  Maybe dude should take down the profile and date his "friend"?

I dunno...  In a world where everything is no longer black or white, and where "lines" get blurred left and right, and in a world where I keep getting propositioned by taken men, this type of profile picture really rubs me the wrong way.

Am I overreacting?

Cats

Well, I just learned that not liking cats (BECAUSE I'M FUCKING ALLERGIC) makes me an "extremist" at its highest degree.  I learn something about myself every day.

Can't wait for the next retard to show me the light.

I just made my profile public a few days ago and I already wanna take it down!

Just a hole

Some jokes are better to be left for when you actually KNOW someone.

I mean... I have never corresponded with this guy.  I don't know him at all.  So why is he sending me an introductory email saying "Lets make some babies"???  Lets add, had he even bothered to READ my profile, he would have seen that I do NOT want to have kids. 

This is a bad start... Baaaad start.

Back on the dating train

Well shoot me now and put me out of my misery!

It's a new year and I just found out, once again (after throwing in the towel for a few months) that dating doesn't get any better. No matter with what mind-frame I come into it, the results are the same. It's mind boggling. The question keeps popping in my head... "ARE THERE ANY "NORMAL"-REGULAR-RESPECTFUL-NICE-HONEST MEN OUT THERE?!?!?!!"

*sigh* Nevermind I asked that question. Moving on... As i was saying, I am back on the dating train, and with that, my online profile up and public. A lot more simpler, a lot less words, a lot less honest... a lot mellower... Lets see what bites.

In the meantime, while browsing the swamp of online profiles, I found this: >  >  > >

Hmmm... You think this qualifies as one of those "Things I will regret in the next two years" type list? I think so.

Oh boy

So I've decided to put up my online dating profile again.

You think I'll need a bigger one?  

Here I go!  Let the [word of choice here] times roll!

Dumpsville

Well it's a new season of The Bachelor.  Being Monday and all, and having nothing better to do, why not watch?

I have to admit I enjoy watching all these... um...  emotionally unbalanced, catty, ridiculous, petty women compete for the "love" (more like attention) of one man that got dumped on the very same show, on national television.  Heartbreak and rejection is bad enough when you go through it behind closed doors.  I can't even imagine what type of desperation will move these women to go through the embarrassment of being rejected, played with, and used by some idiot.  Ok, a hot idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.  Whateverssss.  Makes for entertaining TV... Hell, I'm watching!

One scene caught my eye while watching the show and doing some "research" for this blog, where one of the contestants is talking about how her last boyfriend broke up with her.  He did so via text saying "Babe, welcome to Dumpsville... population... YOU."  Total douche!  I can't even imagine how I would react to such text.  Lets just be happy that has not happened to me.

Kinda made me think of that Sex and the City episode (now how GREAT was that show!?!?) where Carrie got dumped via post-it.

Ladies... we are not even worth a face to face break up nowadays.  Sad notion.  Sad.

Just keel me

So it’s Wednesday, and I’ve been cranky since Monday morning… what else is new?

I dunno, but there’s just something about the forces of the universe that I swear just LOVES to mess with my inner “peace”, well… the very little wee bits I have left. Today thanks to the #VillageVoice I come to learn that cell phone service is alive underground. Yes… now, not only do I have to hear loud inconsiderate bastards’ one way conversations in buses, I’ll be able to hear them yap away while cramped like sardines in the subways too. YAY! You read right my dear friends… someone will be yapping away right in your fucking ear in a subway near you. Like subway riding wasn’t annoying enough. Happy travels!!!

More of it here.

"A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE" by Pamela Redmond Satran

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

Something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

A youth she’s content to leave behind and a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .

A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

One friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….

A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

A feeling of control over her destiny.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

How to fall in love without losing herself.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

When to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

That she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

That her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

What she would and wouldn’t do for love or more.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

How to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

Whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

Where to go...  be it to her best friend’s kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods, when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

What she can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.

Someone needs to go back to school

The other day I had down time at work and decided to read all the emails that slipped thru the cracks while I emailed people I was attracted to physically.  THIS is one of the replies I got:

"Hey i just joined this site the other day not to continue to type i hate computer this aint no (computer love)its a song lol, if we hit it off i leave u my number maybe so where abouts in jers, do u live and dig ur profile, leaving me that ur down to have fun, and no games, and blunt, thats cool with me, ps dont mind the pic only got one update it soon"

I guess some people don't give a shit about first impressions.

Go back to school, kiddo!

Yet another douche

A week and a half ago (around 6pm), on a rainy gloomy day, I went on a date with a guy that physically was not my type. No, he was not ugly. Just not my type. I said yes to a date because I figured I had nothing to lose. All I expected to get out of the date was conversation and a buzz.

Well, the date went well. No weirdness. Pretty comfortable. A few laughs. He seemed grounded. Overall... Good times.

At the end of the date, he walks me to the bus station so I can get my tipsy ass back to Jersey and as I'm about to walk away he stops me and asks for a second date. Yes my dears... He asked for a second date at the end of our first. I was surprised since this never happened to me before (to my recollection). We picked Monday - same time.

Monday 8:45pm
J: Just got home from work trip. How are you?

My thoughts? This asshole is texting me almost 3 hours after we were supposed to meet and has totally disregarded the fact that... well... we didn't meet! I was seeing red due to this, so I decided to not text back till I chilled.

Tuesday 4:51pm
S: I'm good. Thought we had a date yesterday. Just saying.
J: We did, was supposed to be done. Should have called.
S: Yah. A call or a text would have been appreciated.
J: Apologies. All i can say. Work trip during the day, flight didn't land till i texted.

Ok so now, not only do I know that he didn't "forget" about our date, but on top of that, I am certain that he decided to act like nothing happened. This douche's behavior proves to me that he has no respect for me, nor values or has any consideration for my time.

IF this whole "work trip" is actually true, wouldn't texting before boarding the plane and saying "sorry i can't make it" be the considerate thing to do? Or if that totally slipped your mind, then, how about "I'm sorry about tonight. I was out of town on business and totally slipped my mind. Let me make it up to you. Yes?" Sometimes just acknowledging the fact that you FUCKED UP, could "alleviate" the fact that you FUCKED UP.

JOSEPH PATRICK!!!!

I hope you encounter a crazy woman and makes you pay for all of us you didn't give a shit about (cause I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one you treated this way). Your ex-wife was a smart woman. I should stick to my dating rule #6586935453 "DO NOT GO ON A DATE WITH A DIVORCED MAN".

Boy I have to stop listening to my friends.

It doesn't have to be dirty

We all know that NYC is disgusting!  Whoever thinks or claims or even dares to say that NYC is a clean city should be shot in the head.  Plain and simple.

I have come up with a great solution to this problem.  How about we get all those parasites that are on welfare and put them to work?  They ARE receiving money, pay super cheap rents and receive health benefits while the workers have to break their backs to barely make it to pay $800+ rents and some of us can't afford to have health benefits.  Welfare people receive money for sitting on their asses.  How about we give them money and cheap rents in exchange for a lil clean-up?  If we put every single one of these parasites to work cleaning our streets, subways and parks, we would have a prettier/cleaner city.

The city wouldn't have to create jobs and look for funding for these jobs since these people are already getting "paid" and receiving "benefits."

Why hasn't this been done yet???

IF I WERE PRESIDENT.